Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
