OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
