I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
