Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
