u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
