Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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