I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
