hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
