Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize