Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize