I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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