you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
