Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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