I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
