I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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