The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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