you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
