I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
