Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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