I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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