My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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