I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize