all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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