Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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