If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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