i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
