Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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