My first STD was from a foam party
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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