im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
