"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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