the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
