apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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