dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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