did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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