I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
