life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
how drunk are you?
Several
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
