STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
