Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
