OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
