I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
