my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
