I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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