I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize