1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
