It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
