I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
