i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
