I wannas sexs uuuuu
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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