My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so much tequila, so little girl.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
