whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
