The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
