All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
