my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
