He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
