i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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