the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize