Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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