I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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