Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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