Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
