I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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