Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
