there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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