I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
