I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
