New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
