she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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