The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize