Jerry, you need to find god
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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