I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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