don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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