Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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