I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
