babies were throwing up all over the place
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
