Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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