You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
