i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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