yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
