i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
