Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
