Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize