eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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