I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
