I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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