You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
