38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
