I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
