Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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