They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
