You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck me I smell like cheese
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
