I feel great
I just peed on a car
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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