I think my vagina is haunted
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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