This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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