Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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