I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
