She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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