Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
