Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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