He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
