make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
